Why the hell is she with him?

It makes me sad when I see people in unsatisfying relationships. There are a lot of people I know whom remain in a relationship even though they know they aren't getting what they want out of it. One girl I know has a boyfriend who treats with her disrespect, barely ever shows her affection to her if around other people, and basically displays that he cares little for their relationship. Of course, I don't know what goes on when they are alone together but I can't imagine that it is very different from what happens in public. When Valentine's day rolled around, he didn't even do so much as get her a card. Dude really? Not to mention, he had been talking to another girl through the first half of their relationship and leaving posts on his im feed saying he loved her. When I look at her I see a very pretty, smart, and driven girl and it just makes me think "why are you with him?" Why are a lot of guys and girls with people that don't give them the respect or love they deserve and who invest such little time in their relationships? Is it desperation? Is it a lack of self-esteem? It has always been a hard puzzle for me to put together. 

This website by M. Freeman lists six reasons for why people stay in unhappy relationships. I'm not going to list them again because that will just be repetitive when the link is literally right there--so click on it! One of them that really struck me though is number 4: "people expect us to stay together". I can't imagine being with someone just because my friends expected this of me. Who are you in a relationship for anyways? Your friends or yourself? If your friends were truly your friends, wouldn't they want what was best for you and be able to recognize that you are in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship? One of my best friends was in a very bad relationship and, as mean as it sounds, I was so glad when it ended. This isn't because I don't like to see my friend happy or in love. It's because she WASN'T happy or in love and her relationship was dragging her down and turning her into something I couldn't recognize. It was if the boy had some spell over her. He could literally get away with anything and she would still stay with him and, on top of that, make all sorts of ridiculous excuses for his actions. It was a very painful thing to watch since I cared about her so much and only wanted her to have the very best. 

Unfortunately, it is very difficult to convince a person to get out of a relationship that they are very invested in. People are going to do what they want, even if their best friend is literally yelling in their ear to stop being ridiculous and think about how unbalanced their relationship is. If you are in this position, these are some things I would recommend:

-tell your friend how amazing/beautiful/smart (or whatever category) they are. Make sure to list categories that don't include the presence of their significant other and only apply to them personally.

-ask your friend about their relationship and when they bring up situations that are iffy, ask questions like "wow, do you like being treated like that?" or "don't you think you deserve more?" This may help them rethink their relationship.

-invite them to hang out and when you guys are having a good time say things like "wow, this is really fun I miss hanging out with you like old times." This could help your friend realize how much he or she has been missing since being with their boyfriend/girlfriend. 

There are tons of other suggestions I could list, but I think these are a good start. If you are going to be there for your friend, you are going to have to be patient and realize that there is always the potential that your friend will still remain in their relationship. There really is nothing you can do about this. You can either learn to accept it or, if it bothers you too much, you can tell your friend that you can't be friends with them if they are in the relationship. Of course, this is a very difficult situation to be in but it is up to you to decide. We can pick our friends but we can't pick the people they date...unfortunately that's life. I know, I hate the saying too.