Relationship Woes

What happens when that BIG fight comes along and you are out of ammunition? Do you retreat and tell the other person that you cannot fight at the moment? Does this prolong the fighting? Sometimes, you just dont feel like putting up the good fight. Its like a debate where one person is trying to win and the other is left struggling to find the right words. I, for one, am always on the defensive end trying to find the ammunition that does not always come to me right away. It always take me a long time to think of what I want to get across in my defense. So is stepping away from the fight going to help me think? Sometimes, its not fair if I retreat and say "I just cant fight" because the other person is trying to "get the fight over with." I cant decide which angle is better to take...fight head on or take some time first? I wish I could get some people to weigh-in on my dilemma because there are pros and cons to both scenarios. Fighting fair is not always going to make both parties happy. If I want a break from the fight then maybe it will blow out of proportion later when things are brought to light that you had more time to think about. If you get it over with, then the most pressing issues will be dealt with and the "bigger picture" problems are left out for the time being. But maybe, those "bigger issues" SHOULD be dealt with? I just cant decide which approach is better when it comes to fighting in your defense. You want the big fight to be clean and fair so why not get it over with? Then you can speak without holding back (but will this cause problems without a filter?) or will your true feelings surface? Still, with a little time to think and cool off, the BIG fight may be more tough because you both will have strong arguments but maybe it will be fought without the passion of the drama "in the moment." It is really tough to choose but each couple has to figure out what is their best "way" of fighting...in the moment OR waiting for the right moment to say what is on your mind.

Fighting is NO fun but in my mind, it actually helps development because no relationship is without some bumps to make you bond stronger. However, big "blow out" fights can do more damage than good for both of you emotionally. We have to understand our comfort levels and what is too far in a relationship to cross the line. Abuse will not be tolerated for a healthy romantic relationship and it must be helped by someone standing up to save the relationship and get help to solve the roots of the abuse, how to stop it for the future and see if the relationship can still function if the abuse is gone. Fighting must be done FAIRLY. Look to older couples and the strongest relationships that you know to see how they fight and see if this works for you. With me, I like to thkink about my arguements more and I know personally that if I try to fight in the moment, I am fighting a losing battle because I just CANT think of my defense on the spot. Figure out what works for you and avoid that BIG fight that will lead to saying things that do not need to be said. Play Fair, lovers :)

xo