Try Something new..it might surprise you!

Hello!
I wanted to share my thoughts on romantic relationships by explaining how to try new things with your partner in order to surprise yourself!
It might surprise you when you try something new what you will find out about the other person. If you keep the same routine, you will never learn new things that you might end up loving or hating about your partner. Red flags will come-up or a renewed sense of love and lust will help retain a sense of flirtation that might have been in hiding for a while.
For example, today my partner and I took a drive down a road that we didnt know where it would lead. Literally, he drove down a street we have always been curious about near the bay bridge and I loved the view! He was happy that we took this road because it lead up to a beautiful park near a marina that we are excited to go back and take picture of the city-skyline of san francisco. I discovered that this would be a great spot to try a surprise picnic-date and he would be thrilled! If we had not driven down this road, I would have never discovered the next new place to try a date. This will really mix things up!
Also, I am going to try cooking more to surprise my partner with my creative side. I want to show him how much I care and I want to make him personalized dishes that he will love. I found out that guys have a strange sense of taste, or at least my partner does, for savory dished with lots of cheese! So, Im making him fried-breaded chicken which will be pan-fried then finished in the oven and served with tomato sauce then I will make home-made potato gratin. This will really make it special and I will try to make this myself for a surprise!
I hope you guys do something new to discover fun things about your partner!
xoxo

Kids Say the Darnest Things

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5Ot3Ah/jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/20899.htm

Once again, problems with the link. But copy and paste, it's one of those things you find on stumble that you can't help but smile at!

Songs for the Heart

I love listening to songs that speak of love and romance. There is no better way to inspire that lovin' feeling than a good love song. When you are in a relationship, it is easy to relate to what the singers are describing in their music and, of course "it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside." It is also fun to listen to these songs in the presence of your boyfriend or girlfriend just to share a special moment with one another. Below, are links to music videos of various popular love songs. I should mention that if you just got out of a relationship or are wanting to strangle all those couples out there, you may not want to click these links just yet. Not to worry, you will most likely be dancing around to these songs while thinking about your new love in no time. And guys, don't act like you don't like these songs too--we all know it's an act. And the nominees are...(drum roll please...)

1.) The Only Exception by Paramore

2.)I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith

3.) Back at One by Brian McKnight

4.) She is Love by Parachute

5.) Love Me Tender by Elvis (obviously this is a little older than the rest but it is SUCH a great song).

I hope you enjoy. Here is a list to many other love songs!

Why the hell is she with him?

It makes me sad when I see people in unsatisfying relationships. There are a lot of people I know whom remain in a relationship even though they know they aren't getting what they want out of it. One girl I know has a boyfriend who treats with her disrespect, barely ever shows her affection to her if around other people, and basically displays that he cares little for their relationship. Of course, I don't know what goes on when they are alone together but I can't imagine that it is very different from what happens in public. When Valentine's day rolled around, he didn't even do so much as get her a card. Dude really? Not to mention, he had been talking to another girl through the first half of their relationship and leaving posts on his im feed saying he loved her. When I look at her I see a very pretty, smart, and driven girl and it just makes me think "why are you with him?" Why are a lot of guys and girls with people that don't give them the respect or love they deserve and who invest such little time in their relationships? Is it desperation? Is it a lack of self-esteem? It has always been a hard puzzle for me to put together. 

This website by M. Freeman lists six reasons for why people stay in unhappy relationships. I'm not going to list them again because that will just be repetitive when the link is literally right there--so click on it! One of them that really struck me though is number 4: "people expect us to stay together". I can't imagine being with someone just because my friends expected this of me. Who are you in a relationship for anyways? Your friends or yourself? If your friends were truly your friends, wouldn't they want what was best for you and be able to recognize that you are in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship? One of my best friends was in a very bad relationship and, as mean as it sounds, I was so glad when it ended. This isn't because I don't like to see my friend happy or in love. It's because she WASN'T happy or in love and her relationship was dragging her down and turning her into something I couldn't recognize. It was if the boy had some spell over her. He could literally get away with anything and she would still stay with him and, on top of that, make all sorts of ridiculous excuses for his actions. It was a very painful thing to watch since I cared about her so much and only wanted her to have the very best. 

Unfortunately, it is very difficult to convince a person to get out of a relationship that they are very invested in. People are going to do what they want, even if their best friend is literally yelling in their ear to stop being ridiculous and think about how unbalanced their relationship is. If you are in this position, these are some things I would recommend:

-tell your friend how amazing/beautiful/smart (or whatever category) they are. Make sure to list categories that don't include the presence of their significant other and only apply to them personally.

-ask your friend about their relationship and when they bring up situations that are iffy, ask questions like "wow, do you like being treated like that?" or "don't you think you deserve more?" This may help them rethink their relationship.

-invite them to hang out and when you guys are having a good time say things like "wow, this is really fun I miss hanging out with you like old times." This could help your friend realize how much he or she has been missing since being with their boyfriend/girlfriend. 

There are tons of other suggestions I could list, but I think these are a good start. If you are going to be there for your friend, you are going to have to be patient and realize that there is always the potential that your friend will still remain in their relationship. There really is nothing you can do about this. You can either learn to accept it or, if it bothers you too much, you can tell your friend that you can't be friends with them if they are in the relationship. Of course, this is a very difficult situation to be in but it is up to you to decide. We can pick our friends but we can't pick the people they date...unfortunately that's life. I know, I hate the saying too. 

Staycation tips for a steamy weekend!

Hello Lovers! Soo...you want to have a romantic weekend but the budget is low? In order to go on vacation, tickets, hotel reservations and car rentals are necessary but whats wrong with what you have at home or around your area? My advice is to dedicate one saturday and make it a stay-at- home- vacation...STAYCATION! There are lots of ways to pamper yourself by starting with brunch, then visiting a museum or going to the beach but THEN get a couples massage and go to a nice dinner. While it seems like it will cost alot, consider how much you saved and really indulge in this ONE day of luxury in your own neighborhood rather than going on a plane to an exotic place. Make the day themed like Safari and try something new and different that you wouldn't try on a normal night. Stay at home and save money by also making chocolate covered strawberries and get a fun romantic movie like The Princess Bride or Roman Holiday. Just drop the work and emails for one day and have a stay at home vacation while taking pictures and remembering it as one of the best "vacations" that you two took :) Have fun!

Shakespeare got it right. But John Donne makes him look like a Hallmark Card.

http://awonderfulblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/romeojuliet.jpg


This could possibly sound nerdy, and I know how we all love to avoid that label now, but all through middle school and high school I loved reading Shakespeare. There are times when the Bard's writing is not as riveting as some today, but his classics endure for a reason. There are many times when I wish I could be bilingual or had experienced a different language as my first language, but everything I read Shakespeare I am reminded what a gift it is to read it in the original English.

He captured to many raw human emotions so perfectly his stories are among the three most reference sources (in modern writing, there are three sources used for allusions more than any others: the bible, Greek and Roman mythology, and Shakespeare). Hmm. To be as commonly referenced as the Bible, he must have done something right.

So what does he have to say about love? I can only hope that you AT LEAST know of Romeo and Juliet, and I hazard to say that if you have not read it your education is not complete. You could be an engineer or a construction worker. You must read the works of Shakespeare. His entrapment with love and love at first site, however, is not just expressed in one of his best known works. William Shakespeare's explorations into the human emotion range from A Midnight Summer's Dream to Hamlet. I would highly recommend reading nearly all of them.

There is then the man, the poet, that author Margaret Edson in her play "Wit" (again, a must read. One might be thinking at this point that I am an English major, and while I do miss analyzing the classics and other works, as a Political Science Major with an interest in the Middle East, I am more than satisfied as of the past two months in my chosen area of study,)describes as making Shakespeare look like a Hallmark card. This would be John Donne. Although he wrote many types of poetry, he is well known for his love poems. Once read through of The Good-Morrow will emphasize this. (http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/goodmorrow.htm I Sadly could not get the link button to work.) I understood what Shakespeare meant when he spoke of love at first site as I read these words in my high school years.

These classics have so much to teach us. In a world of modern media where love as objectification seems to be the main theme, one cannot forget the works of Shakespeare and John Donne.

Revvv it up!

My topic of thought for you all this week connects one's physical well-being and libido. The connection between the two are undeniable in recent studies that show the positive affects of exercise in your sex life. NOW lets get it straight here...im not trying to sell you anything like those spam emails that PROMISE better performance or anything like that Im just informing you all on what can truly cultivate a long lasting relationship. I know it may be taboo to talk about by recent news has the 411 on the truth about staying in shape and shaping up in bed. A Fox report from Kyle Nuse states,

"Any regular cardiovascular exercise and deep stretching that increases blood flow specifically to the buttocks, pelvis and groins area -- such as yoga, power walking, jogging or cycling--is going to increase circulation to the genitals, and as a result, rekindle sexual arousal and orgasmic function." Read ME!

While for some, its about gaining muscle and strength I see the energy and endorphin affects to be a great boost, as well. Exercise decreases stress and it keeps you relaxed and happy. Translate this to the bedroom and you have a winning combination! It is very interesting to think about and it actually makes sense that you will feel more limber and confident with regular exercise and the Fox report doesnt ask us to do much more than jogging or biking. Finding the time to hit the gym for 2-3 days at 30 mins a day will make a huge difference in our cardio and boost libido....maybe all the time college students spend in the gym is increasing libidos all around campus! I see the correlation between endurance, strength, and flexibility especially from YOGA (youtube of some moves for you to try at the bottom :) will help keep things moving, as well. 

Hitting the gym can be more than beneficial for your looks and it's socially fun, as well, but it has soo many benefits for your romantic life when it come to keeping things lively and limber. You will find more focus if you try yoga and train your muscles to be strong and flexible. I would suggest experimenting with different weight training and getting a personal trainer for ONE or TWO sessions (to cut back on the cost) and then using the moves you learn in those one or two sessions to keep a good workout routine going. Remember: its about endurance, strength, flexibility and stress-release in the gym for endorphins to make everything HAPPY :)


Try Some YOGA!

Promise, it doesn't always have to be awkward.

Everyone knows that certain situations are notoriously awkward. Or seeing a guy or girl after said situations, or that girl or guy you had a crush on can be just as awkward. But it doesn't always have to be that way. The trick is not to let any previous encounter go to your head too much. What happened, happened. If you are happy (but possible nervous) to see the person, then act happy to see them. Most people will hard to find fault with that. If it's someone you don't want to see, truly, ever again, and avoiding them seems to be out of the question, you don't have to walk past with your head pointed the other direction or so focused on your phone that you'll miss the wall right in front of you. Just glance and wave or say a quick "hi" while you continue walking. No added pain necessary.

Movies to spice up the romance.

There are a TON of romantic movies that have been created and there are only more on the way. I personally love romantic movies, especially if they include humor. Sure, some of these movies are corny or predictable or simple of "girly" but I think they are fun to watch, especially with your significant other. Personally, I would rather much be cuddling with my boyfriend watching a romantic movie than something like The Terminator or Batman. There is always a time and place for this  but if we are talking about movies that can easily put you in that lovey-dovey (we all know it) mood, than I'd say romantic movies do the trick. Of course, there are a ton to chose from and some are better than others. Here are some of my personal favorites. I may come off as a typical girl who has bad movie taste but, hey, think what you will.

"A Walk to Remember" is an incredibly sweet story of a couple in high school, Jamie and Landon, who fall in love. The passion between them is incredibly strong and the couple goes through a lot, especially once Jamie reveals something very serious about her life. One of my favorite parts about the movie is that there is also a song included (I mean duh it's Mandy Moore) that just also happens to be incredibly catchy. Just think--maybe after the movie you could see the song to your boyfriend or girlfriend? Ok, that may be a bit of a stretch but what I'm getting at is it is a great movie that shows compassion for other people. It's also a tear jerker so make sure to have some kleenex--or you boyfriend/girlfriend's sleeve--at hand.

"When Harry Met Sally" is another great romance movie. It is also extremely funny. My boyfriend actually introduced me to this movie and we had a great time watching it together and talking about how we could relate to some parts of the film.  It tells the story of Harry Burns and Sally Albright who have a very long and rock friendship for many years. Between fighting and falling in love (in very abnormal ways), the movie is guaranteed to be entertaining. One of the most memorable parts is when Meg Ryan, who plays Sally, fakes an orgasm at a diner. Both of the actors do an incredible job and the characters they portray help show that love is neither perfect or simple. "When Harry Met Sally" is both relatable and hysterical. Not to mention, it helps to prove that no matter what decade (this movie takes place in the late 80's) there will always be some sort of similarities that men and women share when it comes to being in a serious relationship with another person. 

The final movie I am going to recommend, though I could probably talk about several more, is "The Holiday." This movie doesn't just follow one, but two couples who surprisingly find love in unexpected places. The main characters, Amanda Woods (Cameron Diaz) and Iris Simpkins (Kate Winslet) decide to switch houses for the holiday to get away from their own lives. Amanda finds love in London and Iris, in California. The complexity of the plot is very interesting to follow and there are many fun surprises from beginning to end. Of course, there is love. Why else would I be recommending this? Perfect for snuggling up with your loved one on a rainy day--or any time if you want. 

So, I hope you consider checking out these movies. I should mention that they are great films whether or not you watch them with your boyfriend or girlfriend or not. Girls, if your boyfriend won't agree to watch them with you, tell him you will watch one of his more manly movies the next time. He may pretend to not like these "chick flicks' but there is no way he won't get at least something out of it. And besides, as long as he knows that it's a time for him and you to be together alone, I doubt there will be a problem. Enjoy!

(After) He Cheats

Cheating sucks. I know anyone who reads that and has been cheated on will think, hmmm, understatement of the year. Cheating creates one of those situations in which even two rational people, who would normally break up and be cordial after, would forever hate each other's guts instead. I'm not saying that's what always happens, that is one potential issue. The thing about cheating- actually, it's more like things about cheating- is that it creates a very different environment from another, normal, fight or breakup scene.

The people who stay together truly impress me. Those couples that don't break up. I'm not the type of person to classify people into two groups, but (ha) there are two sorts of groups here. Generally. OK, more like three now that I think about it. There are the couples that one cheats, and they come to reach a deep level of understanding and they move on with a deep and real relationship. I don't know where these couples exist, I'm just sure that they do. Then you have the couples where one person is naive and obvious to that the fact that their partner is constantly cheating on them, but the other person more or less knows it in real life. They choose, for multiple reasons, not to leave them. One day they will get a slap in the face that they deserve better (haven't you ever wanted to be that person??) and leave the cheating jerk, but not yet. And then there are the couples that seem to fight, a lot, cheat on each other, a lot, and still stay together and eventually get married because, let's face it, they are made for each other. I feel like these are actually three very specific examples, and by no means do couples who stay together fit one of the three, but work with me here.

Then there are the majority, me 'n my scientific survey says so, of people who break up after cheating. Naturally. Nothing says I don't want to be in a relationship anymore like cheating does. Cheating breaks all the trust in a relationship- not just about other people and what goes on when you aren't around, but anything else that was every promised to you. Gone. You can't trust their judgement anymore, or believe they will make mature decisions, so all other trust in the other person in general kinda goes right out the window. The important thing is not to assign this lack of trust to everybody else. Even if it happens more than once. There are decent people out there, and there are lots of people who will get into a relationship and won't cheat. And people don't always make the same mistakes twice. Really. I'm shocked I typed it but it's true.

Sticky Situation.

So, your best friend breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and from what you can tell the relationship is over for good. What happens if you start to have feelings for your best friend's ex significant other? Is there any way this can work? Is it possible to still have a relationship with your best friend if you end up dating his or her ex? These, unfortunately are not questions that can be answered quickly and are filled with exceptions specific to each situation. Luckily, I have never found myself in this situation myself (I'm the type of person who couldn't date a best friend's ex and also the type of person who would flip if my best friend did this to me). Nonetheless, after seeing it be done a few times throughout my time I have some tips based on my observations:

1.) Consider how close your friendship is and how much it means to you. Does a romantic relationship mean more to you even if that friend has always been there for you?

2.) If you are thinking about dating your friend's ex, WAIT AWHILE. There is nothing more back-stabbing then starting to have a fling with your friend's ex just a week after the relationship ended. Honestly, I would suggest waiting years until the relationship is definitely a part of the past. If the chemistry is that strong, there is no reason it shouldn't be there in the future.

3.) Ask your best friend how they feel about the situation. Make sure you actually listen to their response and don't alter it to make it fit how you feel/what you want.

4.) If you do end up becoming serious with your friend's ex, don't flaunt it. This is a mean and very insensitive thing to do.

5.) Do whatever you can to not go there. Think about it. Your best friend will likely always be there for you while most, especially young, relationships are bound to change. Besides, do you really want your bf's sloppy seconds?

When He Cheats

What are you suppose to do when he cheats? Stay? Leave? So many times we see women in the public political eye standing with their man after he is caught cheating. The perfect wife, right? Well, staying with your man after he cheats depends on a number of different factors.

1. Family. If you both have a family together then it may be best to take some time, weight your options. Don’t rush your decision; after all you have your kids to think about. If you are willing to forgive, forget and move on and he is willing to never cheat again then is sounds like your best bet would be to stay together. But if the family household is dysfunctional and you and your man are constantly arguing then maybe you should think about splitting up. Your child(ren)’s health depends on it.

2. Remorse. Is your man sorry for what he has done or does he blame you for the reason why he seeks another woman? Does he make excuses like; I’m only human, I’m a man, etc? You need to decide for yourself if he is truly remorseful and if you think he will do it again.

3. Forgiveness. If you don’t think that you will be able to or willing to forgive your man then you need to let him go. There is no point of staying with hi if you are going to continue to bring up the past mistakes he has made. It only causes more stress and hostility in the relationship.

So think about, and don’t feel ashamed for staying with man who cheats. No one can know or understand your love but you. But make sure you make the best decision for yourself. Don’t follow the advice of others if you truly feel a different way. After all, you live and you learn, this is just another learning experience.

Break Up to Make Up

Do you and your partner seem to just break up to make up? Some people consider this a regular part of a relationship. Others would call that a unhealthy relationship. So, is it love that was just meant to be… that’s why you guys keep coming back to each other or is this relationship in need of a permeate break??

Well, each case is different. First you must identify the reason for the frequent break ups. More often than not the reasons are similar to each other, if not the same. If you do find that the reasons are similar are the same then you must tackle that issue head on. You are your partner need to come to a unified realization of this problem and work to fix it. Once you BOTH except what the problem is you must then open up communication lines and talk to each other with respect and understanding. Figure out why this issue(s) keeps occurring and find out if one another is willing to make the necessary changes to stop this constant breaking up. AND BELIEVE ME THE BEST SOLUTION IS NOT MAKING A PROMISE TO NEVER BREAK UP NO MATTER WHAT… THAT DOESN’T WORK AND IT MAKES YOU MORE UNHAPPY AND RESENTFUL. If an agreement isn’t reached then you should seriously consider taking a permeate break.

Although this may be a difficult task to do, it seems that in this case the bad of the relationship out weights the good. Breaking up constantly causes unwanted stress; stress isn’t good for your health- physical or emotional. Take at least a month off and see how your mood changes. Yes, it will be very difficult for the first couple of weeks but you will notice (hopefully) that you are much more happier and have a drama free life.

Nothing is Certain.

I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately and, recently, an obvious but important concept has been in my mind: nothing in relationships is for certain. This is a very hard concept for me to grasp or want to believe but, in reality, it is true. In relationships and love nothing is for certain and there is never any guarantee that you won't end up being broken-hearted. Just recently, I learned that a couple I know fairly well are splitting up. They have been married for an extremely long time and how two nearly-grown kids. I believe they are the perfect example of "nothing is certain." I'm sure when the couple got married they didn't plan or believe they would get divorced in the future. They probably loved each other entirely and expected to stay together forever. Unfortunately, in relationships, nothing is set in stone. You can never be certain that a person won't leave you for someone else, that a person won't lie to you, or that there is no way your relationship won't fall apart. I absolutely hate this and wish there was some way to control or fix it but really such is life. It may sound a little blunt but it is something everyone at some point must accept. Letting go and taking a risk even if it is scary as hell is a part of being in a serious relationship. As hard as it is, I would frankly rather take that risk than to not have a chance to experience all the joys of being with someone. So yes, nothing is ever certain but, in my opinion, the benefits of being in a happy relationship will always outweigh the cost no matter where you end up in the future. 

"Think before you speak"...easier said than done.

I've been told many times in my life that I need to work on thinking before I speak. It kills me to admit that it is still something that is a very large issue in my life. It is always important to think before you speak no matter who you are taking to...your mom, your brother, your boss, your professor, your friend and of course your significant other. I have found that there have been many instances in my relationship with my boyfriend that I have not been able to bite my tongue before any damage was doene. I say something and, like always, there is NEVER any way to take it back. I believe that this is a bad quality in myself and to anyone else who possesses it. To be in a mature relationship ,(or really to be mature in general), you need to be able to have a filter and know if something is okay to say BEFORE it slips out of your mouth. You can try as hard as you can to take what you said and make it into something else, (the whole "that's not what I meant" trick), but, let's be honest, no one is ever really successful at doing that. Words can be harsh, especially if the person speaking isn't taking the person on the receiving end into consideration. 

Now, I don't want to come across as if I am preaching because it is obviously something I need to seriously and continuously work on. All I'm saying is that I have done it enough times to know that speaking your mind doesn't mean saying everything that you think. There are many words that I wish I could take back but I'll never be able to and this is sad for both me and my boyfriend. Something said by Veera Mahajan  reminded of how it important it is to think before anything  comes out of my mouth. She says "since you care for your loved ones, you correct them, but very often your criticism is passed very bluntly, without reflecting the negative effect it could have." In other words, just because you become frustrated with your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't mean you have to be mean and spit words full of venom. Criticizing or expressing anger can be done with out hurting the other person so much that it is really beyond repair. 

Believe me, I know this is all easier said than done but it is important to think about frequently if you don't want to risk hurting your loved one during troubling times. One of the hardest things to see is the person you love the most be hurt by something you have said--there is no way of helping them except apologizing profusely. To avoid situations like these, I would suggest trying to remain calm and take a few breaths before speaking to be an important personal commitment. That way, not only are you more in control of yourself but the consequences will be much less painful to both your partner and yourself. As humans, we have strong emotions and sometimes they can be extremely difficult to control. Still, by saying something mean before thinking it through will likely result in even more hurt and pain. Personally, these are things that I don't want to be a part of my relationship. I would assume that most people feel the same way. So, think before you speak especially if you are angry. Having to live with the hurt you have caused because of the stupid words you have said out of anger and spite is never enjoyable, but is luckily something that can be improved with practice and dedication. 

Relationship Woes

What happens when that BIG fight comes along and you are out of ammunition? Do you retreat and tell the other person that you cannot fight at the moment? Does this prolong the fighting? Sometimes, you just dont feel like putting up the good fight. Its like a debate where one person is trying to win and the other is left struggling to find the right words. I, for one, am always on the defensive end trying to find the ammunition that does not always come to me right away. It always take me a long time to think of what I want to get across in my defense. So is stepping away from the fight going to help me think? Sometimes, its not fair if I retreat and say "I just cant fight" because the other person is trying to "get the fight over with." I cant decide which angle is better to take...fight head on or take some time first? I wish I could get some people to weigh-in on my dilemma because there are pros and cons to both scenarios. Fighting fair is not always going to make both parties happy. If I want a break from the fight then maybe it will blow out of proportion later when things are brought to light that you had more time to think about. If you get it over with, then the most pressing issues will be dealt with and the "bigger picture" problems are left out for the time being. But maybe, those "bigger issues" SHOULD be dealt with? I just cant decide which approach is better when it comes to fighting in your defense. You want the big fight to be clean and fair so why not get it over with? Then you can speak without holding back (but will this cause problems without a filter?) or will your true feelings surface? Still, with a little time to think and cool off, the BIG fight may be more tough because you both will have strong arguments but maybe it will be fought without the passion of the drama "in the moment." It is really tough to choose but each couple has to figure out what is their best "way" of fighting...in the moment OR waiting for the right moment to say what is on your mind.

Fighting is NO fun but in my mind, it actually helps development because no relationship is without some bumps to make you bond stronger. However, big "blow out" fights can do more damage than good for both of you emotionally. We have to understand our comfort levels and what is too far in a relationship to cross the line. Abuse will not be tolerated for a healthy romantic relationship and it must be helped by someone standing up to save the relationship and get help to solve the roots of the abuse, how to stop it for the future and see if the relationship can still function if the abuse is gone. Fighting must be done FAIRLY. Look to older couples and the strongest relationships that you know to see how they fight and see if this works for you. With me, I like to thkink about my arguements more and I know personally that if I try to fight in the moment, I am fighting a losing battle because I just CANT think of my defense on the spot. Figure out what works for you and avoid that BIG fight that will lead to saying things that do not need to be said. Play Fair, lovers :)

xo 

Reasons to Trust Your Friends

I once read a quote from a female comedian that read, "Going out with a jerk is like having food stuck in your teeth- all your friends notice before you do." I can't seem to find the author, and although the comment was meant to be a joke, it's completely true. I literally think about every time one of my friend's boyfriends pulls what I think is a jerk move. It's important to trust one another in a relationship, but becoming deaf to what your friends have to say about your guy or girl will become a bad thing. No matter how much you think you love somebody, (and here I'm not talking about your fiancée or husband), your friends will be the ones that are around when the guy (or girl) is gone. Things that you don't want to notice, or just plan don't notice, your friends will pick up on. They've got your back.

Why Traveling is the Best

Read me! In case you can't tell, I might be spending too much time on Stumble Upon. If you don't know what that is, go to stumbleupon.com and set up an account- its free and from what I can tell they don't spam you/give out your information. Anyways, it's a great time waster, esp. if your sick... like me. And on the rare occasion that you are using it for homework (promise! I was looking for links for a required twitter feed for the same class) it can also give you cute ideas for you romantic relationships blog.

Which is that traveling with your significant other is the best option ever. I know lots of people have the vacation horror stories- and bad vacations will happen once in a while. Airports are probably the biggest taker of the blame. But hotels, motels, hostels, etc. can mess up as well as restaurants... or natural disasters or weather... but that does not mean you have to sit in your locked house 24/7. And although the places in the link probably cost lots of money to visit, that doesn't mean there isn't lots of economical options to get away somewhere.

And then there are the reasons trips are great with your significant other, no matter what you choose to do- a day hike on a weekend or a 10 day stay in a country where neither (or both) of you speak the language. It's an adventure- and experiencing experiences together (yes, that is grammatically correct) is more or less a guaranteed way to bond, without any worry about awkward moments or not having things to talk about. If you're actively doing something, discussions about the day or the moment come more naturally, unlike sitting across from each other at the coffee shop 2 blocks down. Experiences are the sorts of things that produce inside jokes, and a tough or amazing experience together can make two people closer than a year of mutual acquaintanceship. So if you have the money, take trips that lead you far away.. or, just go somewhere new.

It's time to think.

There are a couple of people I know that need to take a crash course on "romantic relationship etiquette." It may just be me but I think it is really strange when a person frequently talks about past hookups and crushes to their boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, these topics do come up and a couple should be aware of their significant other's past love lives. However, I think it is both rude and insensitive to bring up other flings on a regular basis and, especially, to bring them up and talk about them in front of many other people. The other week when I was at home my friend was hanging out with her boyfriend and a couple of our close friends. She saw a boy she had had relations with in the past and started freaking out and calling attention to the situation. It was weird because the guy didn't even see her and no one else would have noticed if she hadn't brought it up. Now, this may just be a personal characteristic she has and she may enjoy creating drama out of nothing, but I still think it is worth bringing up. Personally, I wanted to slap her and ask her why the hell she was doing that in front of her boyfriend (or at all really). I have a feeling if her boyfriend had pointed out a girl he had been with in the past, she would have thrown a fit. Basically what I'm trying to say is have some respect. If you are with another person, you aren't considering their feelings if you are pointing out every Tom, Harry, or Dick you hooked up with on a drunken party night. If the behavior continues, your significant other could begin to have a problem with what you are doing and wonder why those other people matter so much to you. He or she may act like they don't care but they could be thinking something very different. If you are still having difficulty grasping this concept, try considering being in your partner's shoes and having to be reminded of who they used to date. Doesn't feel very good, does it?

Blogging gets Romantic!

Hello!! Seeing as the vast interweb has soo much to offer people needing relationship advice and romantic experiences to relate to, I wanted to share some Blogs similar to this one in order for you to see other realms of romance.
First, "Wink Wink Wink" is a single girl blogger who doesnt hold back her opinions and her OWN romantic encounters in the dating world to those who want to follow her crazy love triangles and single girl antics :)
Check out, A Dating Confessional!!! I love this girl because she has interesting things to add to dating and this is a cute blog! Dating stories, adventures and cooking this has it all!
Also something to look at on a rainy day- from dating red flags to KISSING and even Single in America Fact v. Fiction this LifeBytes is cute and interesting to read and there are video links that are pretty funny :)

Enjoy these 3 new Blogs!!! xo

Blogging is Catchy!

Hello!! Seeing as the vast interweb has soo much to offer people needing relationship advice and romantic experiences to relate to, I wanted to share some Blogs similar to this one in order for you to see other realms of romance.
First, "Wink Wink Wink" is a single girl blogger who doesnt hold back her opinions and her OWN romantic encounters in the dating world to those who want to follow her crazy love triangles and single girl antics :)
Check out, A Dating Confessional!!! I love this girl because she has interesting things to add to dating and this is a cute blog! Dating stories, adventures and cooking this has it all!
Also something to look at on a rainy day- from dating red flags to KISSING and even Single in America Fact v. Fiction this LifeBytes is cute and interesting to read and there are video links that are pretty funny :)

Enjoy these 3 new Blogs!!! xo

Blogging is Catchy!

Hello!! Seeing as the vast interweb has soo much to offer people needing relationship advice and romantic experiences to relate to, I wanted to share some Blogs similar to this one in order for you to see other realms of romance.
First, "Wink Wink Wink" is a single girl blogger who doesnt hold back her opinions and her OWN romantic encounters in the dating world to those who want to follow her crazy love triangles and single girl antics :)
Check out, A Dating Confessional!!! I love this girl because she has interesting things to add to dating and this is a cute blog! Dating stories, adventures and cooking this has it all!
Also something to look at on a rainy day- from dating red flags to KISSING and even Single in America Fact v. Fiction this LifeBytes is cute and interesting to read and there are video links that are pretty funny :)

Enjoy these 3 new Blogs!!! xo

Other RR Blogs

Here's an interesting take on what romantic relationships can do for you... this blog's author discusses his opinion about the importance of romantic relationships in finding oneself. Also, the comments below the blog offer one of those rare intelligent discussions on the blog's content. 
Also, a blog that's sponsored by a Law Firm that specializes in divorce... i don't know if the firm actually exists, but the information in the blog itself is interesting.
A blog by an associate editor of Women's Day Magazine discusses how study indicate that romantic movies might be ruining our idea of a perfect relationship. Although the idea isn't novel, it's pretty cool that now there are studies out to scientifically prove just that.

Other Love Blogs--take a look!

So after looking through some other love blogs, I have come across some that I think are really interesting and may be useful for those searching for tips about romantic relationships. The first one is I found is a blog called Understanding Men by Bob Grant. It discusses all sorts of different aspects about relationships written from a man's perspective (as would make sense from the title). Another I found is called "Love and Relationship Advice Blog" by couple Susie and Otto Collins. Make sure to check out the "5 Ways to 'Warm Up' a Cold Partner" entry. If you are still in need for some advice or just want more stories to read, check out She versus He. It includes many interesting, and entertaining, blog posts and many are accompanied by video clips. Enjoy!

-Bonnie

CNN Story

Just a cute CNN story/video to check out! Esp. since today is of course valentine's day.

Sexting! positive or DANGEROUS?

Hey Blog Readers!
My focus today is on the act of Sexting in any romantic relationship because it is super common with all of the texting we do daily to keep the spark alive with a guy we are hooking up with, a new love, a long-term or long-distance relationship, or older married couples who are spicing up their workday with some virtual lovin'. So the question is: "are we all guilty of sexting?" It is super popular among teens these days because it is more personal and concealed to their private cell phone than out in the open on the internet or phone sex. Sexting is as discrete as a married couple can be and as fun as a long-distance couple can make it because of their separation.  While sexting can get out of control among underage teenagers, it goes beyond flirtatious texting and takes texting to a whole new provocative level that can really keep things romantic while on-the-go.

There are so many repercussions and dangers to sending naked photos I would simply say: delete, delete, delete! This way, you can arouse your partner in the intended way that the message was supposed to convey, but this leaves more romance for later. Not only is it good advice to delete the picture after a glace just for safety, but it also leaves the receiver want more and if you delete it you will have control to wait for the bedroom! I think sexting can be a good way for long term and long distance couples to keep attune to the sexual desires that each other craves. It can be healthy to take things beyond flirtation with your romantic relationship because it leaves the other wanting more and it shows the "danger factor." Living on the edge with the scandalous sexting can leave a guy's mouth watering and it is very dangerous to mix private feelings with technology because mistakes happen. What if the receiver of the naked picture accidentally sends it to his whole contact list including his or her mom! Im sure this has happened before but it is part of the "danger." Just please make sure that you trust that you are sending this to the proper phone before sending and that you TRUST that he or she will not send it to their buddies. There is risk, danger and possible high reward for sexting and the element of technology now makes foreplay even more accessible...its in your pocket in your inbox now! While I am not advocating this, I studied abroad and I think that sexting keeps things as normal as possible long distance. This is a technological advancement that makes romance even more dangerous and accessible. Just beware of the risk involved but use sexting as a responsible sexual means to let your partner know how you feel about them and keep it as an option :)

Here come wedding bells...

Is it just me or is it scary when couples who have been going out for two months start talking about wanting to get married? Is it me or is it scary when couples who are very young actually DO get married? I remember talking about marriage with my  high school boyfriend, being ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that the first serious boyfriend I ever had would become my husband. Ok, so I was young and naive and it comes with the age and the level of maturity. However, I STILL hear people talking frequently about marriage and it makes me want to hop in their relationship car and slam on their breaks for them (that may have been a stretch of an analogy but just roll with it). My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and have talked about the potential of marriage in the future and how we would like that to happen. Like every girl, this makes me feel all giddy and warm inside. We don't talk about the fine details of getting married though and the day is most definitely not around the corner. I know some couples who bring up marriage all the time and they have been dating for a year or less. Ok, I get you are in love but let's be honest--you're twenty. I don't believe in bashing on people's hopes and dreams but I do think it is important that people our age should be focused on other things like school, work, social lives, and their romantic (not married) relationships. Personally, I think it is important to be with a person for many year  before deciding to get married, but this may just be me.  I believe a long, successful, happy marriage will be experienced by couples who know each other well and have been through a lot together. Some of my friends who are my age are already getting married in the spring and I want to ask them what is wrong with being a couple for a few more years. Why rush into the responsible life of marriage? Why pretend to be an adult when you are really still a kid? Let's not rush things here people.

Cutesy should be a crime.

We all know the couples that want to make us gag. But theres plenty of reasons that treating your significant other like a perpetual puppy is a bad habit, and not just because your friends will eventually want to shoot you. Beyond annoying the rest of the world's population, being cutesy has no dept to it- lots of people can connect with the image of couples I'm describing because it is nothing new. You know those adorable nicknames and habits you have, like rubbing noses and hugging and cuddling 24/7 that's makes you feel special? Uh, that couple over there is doing the same thing. And another couple over there and there... You can see my point. I'm not saying you shouldn't express emotions in your relationship. Guys, treating your girlfriends like your normal guy friends is a very, very, bad idea. They are not bros: they require some TLC and kisses, not just head nods of acknowledgement. But couples who are "cutesy" have been using too much a good thing. There needs to be a balance between showing affection in public: people should be able to recognize you are in a relationship, but they shouldn't feel as though being around you and your significant other is awkward. But even when you are alone with your significant other, being cutesy all the time can make your relationship repetitive and boring. Nicknames like Baby or Sweetie or Sweetheart, if used interchangeably and constantly, can start to sound tired. Wouldn't you rather have a nickname that you had gotten from some fun experience or laughable moment together? Even if the nickname isn't original in this case, it's way more likely to stick and become something special. And just like everything else, cutesy stuff between the two of you can limit your relationship. Having a serious conversation in a high pitched voice would be a bit of a joke, and there's no reason that the only communication between a couple should be yelling or baby talk.

Sticking With Tradition

I have to make a reference to How I Met Your Mother in this post because Lily and Marshall are probably the best example of a good functioning relationship that I can think of. While they do not do everything by the book, they have some good rules to live by when it comes to making your relationship last a looong time! My example from this show for today is the episode where Marshall and Lily decide to break their tradition of picking each other up from the airport and either "maturing" with their relationship or sticking with their cheesy traditions. What is better? Developing and Maturing into a more "grown-up couple" or keeping the traditions of your early relationship? In my opinion, it is up to your own discretion and see the direction of how your relationship is developing. In the HIMYM episode, Lily and Marshall realize that their ritual of calling each other at lunch time to say "I love you" and picking each other up at the airport is an important part of who they are and their strong relationship. They realized that they could mature in other ways, but keep their traditions going in order to stay a strong couple. I do this in my own life by always calling my boyfriend or vice versa to say goodnight and not be mad at each other before we sleep. It is good to keep TRADITIONS!!! xo

Best friend=boyfriend/girlfriend?

I never can solidify my opinion on how I feel about best friends (those of opposite sex or the same sex if they are gay) becoming romantic partners. One one hand, it seems weird because that person is your best FRIEND, which usually means that they aren't meant to fall under the romantic category. On the other hand, I have also noticed that best friends tend to form extremely strong and successful relationships. In general, there are many different ways the friendship could be affected if romance is brought into the mix. Thinking about how your friendships could be effected if they venture out of that "friend zone" is a very important thing to consider. So, let's go over a few situations that you could find yourself in...

First, sometimes best friends can be solely friends and have no problem with this. For example, opposite gender best friends often talk to each other about their relationship problems and usually jealousy doesn't come into the mix because neither likes one another in "that" way. I have a best guy friend who is more like my brother than anything else and our relationship has never gone past being friends. This is very typical and it is actually very nice to be able to have an opposite sex best friend who you can confide in and not have to worry about deeper feelings getting in the way. My best guy friend has helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life. I cherish our friendship immensely (except I would be fine with out him farting in front of me on a daily basis).

However, sometimes one person ends up falling for their best friend while the other person does not share the same feelings. They may not be attracted to their friend or just have difficult time thinking of them in that light. This could lead to many awkward situations but, if the other person can be honest about their feelings and try not to lead their friend on, there is a likelihood of the friendship going back to normal. Unfortunately, sometimes the friendship is broken because the other person feels crushed. If you have felt this before, don't think it is a unique experience. Being denied can be hard, but sometimes friendships can be so valuable that you can get past this sort of awkward situation. If you are on the other end, try not let your best friend down as kindly as possible and make sure to let them know how important they are to you. It may take a little while for your friend to get over the initial shock of you not sharing their same feelings, but with time they should be able to get over it eventually. This is a difficult situation to be in but it is both common and not impossible to deal with. 

Finally, often times best friends decide to become boyfriend and girlfriend. I have known individuals who were once best friends and now are dating. Their relationships are amazing because they already have such an intense connection and already know a great deal about one another. Relationships on this level can be very special. Other times, best friends who decide to date often experienced failed relationships because they aren't used to having to interact each other in a different way. If this happens to you, hopefully you and your best friend can find a way to smoothly going back to being friends. Keep in mind that the transition may not be exceptionally easy.  

Basically, the success of "best friend turned girlfriend/boyfriend relationships" all depend on the individual people. Sometimes best friends can become wonderful romantic partners who have a lot in common and sometimes taking it a step further can become sufficiently awkward. Make sure you think about the consequences before you decide to try it out with your best friend. On the other hand, don't be afraid to try to take it further because you don't want your friendship to be damaged. You never know what could be there unless you are willing to take a risk. 

Un-Romantic Relationships

As I mentioned before, I think its a bit of chicle to talk about valentines day in a "romantic relationship" blog. The topic seems to obvious (although I love the actually holiday, even if you argue Hallmark invented it). But Valentine's Day doesn't have to be just for your significant other. As I kid my parents would get my sister and I our our boxes of rare chocolates (the good type!) on top of gifts they bought for each other. I don't mean you have to fill out those little cards for every single one of your classmates like you did in first grade. I am encouraging you to break the tradition. As an out of state student, and not having done much of anything for it last year, this year I decided to borrow an idea from over summer and am going to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to my parents, a card to my sister and her boyfriend (who's part of the family), and my best friend from high school. Take that, Hallmark.

Hey there, nice guys.

I know theres a saying about how nice guys finish last. And know theres a stereotype about how pretty girls always choose to date attractive jerks, and "nice guys" always complain about it. Wait a second though. I was on stumble the other day, and found a short note written in favor of nice guys. It reminded me of all the other sorts of complaints I'd ever heard about how girls never pick the nice guy. They all seem.. misplaced. This one went on and on about how he was always treating his friends who were girls like his girlfriends. That's not what he said, but from a girl's perspective, it's what he described, as he held their purses and went shopping with them because they pushed him to. And for reasons like this, this guy choose to wail for 3 more paragraphs about how all girls are like these girls he calls his friends; namely, dumb and unfeeling. What? You're the one who can't apparently pick friends. Hint to guys: no girlfriend or friend should treat you like that ever, please be smart enough to drop them and not make create even more stereotypes. I'm almost wondering if these nice guys who complain about how girls also go for jerks aren't actually up to scratch. Either you hang out with total bitches and associate them as the totality of what the female population has to offer, or you're over estimating yourself. Harsh, but possibly true! Know how on most campuses or high schools theres a few big men on campus? Popular, sometimes athletes, whatever. Notice how they tend to look like normal people, not models? And if you ever meet them, they're really nice? Meet a truly nice guy. Every big guy on campus, by the time they've become a junior or senior, high school or college, have come to establish a reputation... and if they are total jerks, even if they're attractive, people won't think highly of him. The guys who are genuinely nice always actually come out on top. It seems like girls know what going on after all. So all "nice guys" who complain and rip on girls,  if you rip on girls, you might not actually be a nice guy. And esp. with Valentine's Day coming up (I feel obligated to mention it, chicle as it is in a romance blog) now is always a good time to change that :)

You are fine the way you are.

It's common knowledge that most people want to and enjoy being in a relationship. Some people hop from one relationship to another (though the one they hop to is usually a rebound). I understand why people want to be in a relationship because of the love, comfort, and just plain fun that comes with it. Still, I have noticed that some people literally make finding a guy the center of their lives. Why can't people just hang back and relax and not constantly be on the prowl? I may be sounding like a hypocrite because I do have a boyfriend and I enjoy our relationship very much. Nevertheless, I think it is important to take a step back and talk about the ongoing race of finding a guy or a girl. We need to start realizing that each and everyone one of us is a unique, beautiful person who doesn't need someone else to complete us. 

I have often heard people tell me that when you stop looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend and just enjoy the many aspects of your life, eventually someone shows up when you least expect it. I tell this to one of my good friends all the time and she always responds by saying "I know I have stopped but they still haven't shown up." The truth---she hasn't stopped. Every time I'm with her she talks about how much she wants a boyfriend and how she doesn't understand how all of her friends have boyfriends except for her. I wish everyday that she could realize how amazing and gorgeous of a person she really is and how not having a boyfriend doesn't make her any less of a person. Unfortunately, she is very head-strong about the subject. I have started to notice that she spends so much of her time wishing she had a boyfriend that, when she is around guys, she doesn't show her true colors because she is thinking of whether or not the person could be a potential romance. I feel sorry for her because it seems as though she is missing the many wonderful aspects of her life because she is so worried about not having someone. It drives me crazy that there is nothing I can do about the subject except continuing to remind her that she is a great person with so much potential.

When it comes down to it, most people are pretty good on picking up on certain qualities. If you meet a guy or girl and being to text him all the time, try to hang out with them often, and make your friendship more than it is, they will most likely bolt. Being natural and going with the flow (with limits) is a much better way to go. If you end up being in a relationship, it will be because the other person likes who you are, not because they know how long you have been waiting to be in a relationship. People who are in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship realize sooner rather than later that they have made a mistake. So, if you have been obsessing about finding a guy or girl, slow down and take a break. Focus on school, hang out with your friends, pursue a hobby. Just because you aren't going out and searching for someone doesn't mean you will never find them. And I guarantee that if you have your life together and are confident about who you are regardless of being single, you are going to be much more attractive than the other person who is counting down the minutes until they find that special someone.

Where do you fall?

It happens. Friends do not like each others' boyfriends and girlfriends and it leads to many awkward situations and sometimes broken relationships. I know a lot of people who have extremely rude and inconsiderate boyfriends or girlfriends and, when the friends speak out, tension forms. Here is what I think about the matter: if your boyfriend or girlfriend is a nice, caring person and obviously treats you well, then your friends should have no reason to dislike him or her. A lot of times friends can get jealous and will act like there is something wrong with someone's boyfriend or girlfriend when, really, there is something wrong with them. At this point, it is good to talk to your friend about the situation, explain how you disagree with them, and hope that your friend comes to their senses eventually. On the other hand, there are other occasions when friends don't like someone's significant other because they are not nice and do not show signs of being a good, faithful partner. If you are in this situation, this would be a good time to stop and think about their point of view and to maybe revaluate what your friends are saying. You never want to be that person who gets the "I told you so" lecture. Now, if are one of those people who are so wrapped up in their relationship that they can not tell if their friends are being over-dramatic or if their girlfriend or boyfriend is really a loser, I do not know what to tell you. Hopefully, you never find yourself in a situation like this.

Quick tip of the week!!

This week I thought more about long term relationships and how to make it last! Try and attempt not to talk about weight around your significant other or on a date and think more about each others personality instead of focusing on attraction and appearance. This makes a deeper connection and long lasting love!! Xo

Freaking Facebook

Have you ever had the conversation about whether someone's relationship status is Facebook official? Does this annoy you as much as it annoys me? I mean, I have no problem with people putting up their current relationship status, single, in a relationship with someone. That's fine. It's informative. As far as statuses like "Complicated," well, then, you are no help to anyone whatsoever, least of all the person to whom the profile belongs. But the real issue is the notion of "Facebook Official" as a title in our society. Couples get in arguments because they aren't Facebook Official yet. True, maybe it's odd if your profile says your single and your not, but I'm talking about people who don't have Facebooks or don't list their relationship status still using the social networking site as a standard. If you can say to me, oh, we're serious, but we're not Facebook Official, and I can completely understand what your talking about, then something is wrong with the world.

Communication is Key!

Do you and your partner argue a lot?? Well let me tell you, the key to every relationship is communication. If you guys do not know how to communicate then you wont be able to grow as a couple. If you and your partner have a difficult time talking to each other and coming to a compromising solution, take these steps into consideration and see if they work for you.

1. Write a letter. Most people are able to communicate more clearly through word. If you feel as if your words go in one ear and out the other when it comes to communicating with your partner, then this is the right step for you. Written words are some times better to focus on, as opposed to a nagging voice. This will also help ease the tension, especially if you are one to complain a lot. People don’t like to get in trouble so when those dreadful words “we need to talk” comes up, we instantly move into defense mode “I didn’t do it!” So write a letter and either have them write a letter back or have a sit down with each other. As long as you both get to express yourselves respectfully.

2. Stop Nagging. Nagging isn’t just about complaining, it’s about how you say it. If your constantly wining about what’s not being done or what you don’t like, no one is going to want to listen. Take a breather, cool down, think about what you need and want to say before you say it. And if you are a spiritual person, pray before you begin to speak. All this will help you to remain calm and focused. Engage your partner into the conversation by ask them what can you better or different in the relationship and see If you guys cant come up with a middle ground.

3. Don’t yell. Screaming and yell instantly turns people off. You ever heard of that saying, ”I can’t hear you when you’re yelling at me?” well, its true. Who wants to listen to a yelling crazy person? All it makes you want to do is yell back! That is not the solution. You also want to take some tips from step two; Take a breather, cool down, think about what you need and want to say before you say it. And if you are a spiritual person, pray before you begin to speak. And if you are quick to anger then I suggest you take a walk out side and talk to yourself, as if the person is right in front of you. I know, sounds crazy right? But it works. One thing that always helps me is writing a really mean text or letter expressing how I feel at that time. BUT DO NOT SEND IT!!! The point of writing is just to get it out of your system. After you write it read it over. You will quickly realize that you would never want your partner to read it because its mean and hurtful and you would never want to make them feel that way.

4. Identify the problem. You and your partner need to come to the consensus that there is a problem and you both would like to fix it. Once you guys do that then you can come up with steps to solve the problem as a couple and on an individual level. Or it might just turn out that you guys realize that the problem can’t be fixed and you don’t need to remain together.

5. Talk! After it is all said and done, communication is key. If you guys can’t talk to each other, then the relationship won’t be as enjoyable. You both need to make efforts to spark up little conversations, ask them their input on a certain topics. And once you know how to communicate on a friend-to-friend level, then talking about the relationship and its weaknesses/strengths, you will be able to find a common ground on what you both are looking to get out of this relationship.

Good Luck!!

and if you need any further advice take a look at this link!

Its February! Valentines Day?

So, you have a romance in your life and you realize that Valentines Day is coming up! What is there to do to be appropriate and spontaneous at the same time? A romantic dinner is a must and I have been thinking about planning what I will make for my boyfriend so that it shows that I was inspired by the love we have on Valentines Day! First, I think about what we both enjoy when we go out to eat before I can plan what I am making. This means that I can re-interpret our favorite cuisine in case I want to save money on the pre-fixed menus that restaurants impose on people for this occasion. Charging me $75 for 3 courses will not cut it when I can pay less a la carte on any other day. Seriously! Restaurants think they can do this because everyone wants to go pay for dinner on a romantic holiday but I say, if it will not cause you stress and you plan out a nice romantic dinner at home, it can be even better without the service charge! Plus, you can make a lot of memories in the kitchen if you clean up together and make dessert together.

OK, so here's my plan for the big meal... steak pan seared on the stovetop then finished in the over medium rare so it is served restaurant-quality. Make your own parsley butter and in the last 5 minutes add it to the top of the steak in the oven to make it juicy and extra-fancy! On the stovetop it should cook 5 minutes on each side then placed in the oven at 400 degrees for 15-20 minutes until serving. For the side, mix it up! Make 3-4 sides and have options and leftovers! I plan on making rosemary garlic mashed potatoes with buttermilk that I make on the stovetop first by boiling the potatoes, mashing them after draining until smooth with butter and milk and a tablespoon of sour cream. Then, add a Tablespoon of dried rosemary and freshly chopped garlic with salt and pepper to taste. From my experience, guys like it simple and tasty with strong flavors like rosemary and pepper. Also on the side, saute mushrooms and onions and peppers in butter and olive oil with salt and pepper until caramelized for a nice side to compliment the steak.  Then, make two vegetable side dishes to complete the main course. Blanch spinach until wilted (this can be done after the steak, potatoes and other sides are complete) then add lemon and white pepper and butter for a side with some citrus to balance the whole meal. In addition, grill some asparagus with olive oil and salt and pepper to go with the meaty steak.

The thing about cooking for Valentines day instead of eating out is that it adds a element of love when you put the time and effort into the act of cooking and creativity. It is found to be sexy, intimate and it can reveal more about a person in a short amount of time than going out to eat. Light some candles for dinner and open a bottle of wine for alot less than it costs to eat out with a bottle of wine at dinner because you get to control the food and wine costs.

One of the things that I struggle with the most on Valentines Day is the need for presents. On my first Valentines Day with my boyfriend, he surprised me with a necklace from Tiffany's and I loved it! But when it comes to guys, what can I get him? I see what I can get for his birthday and Christmas, but Valentines Day? I know most women would say surprise him with something in the bedroom or from Victoria's Secret, but I like to have something sentimental like the necklace to remember the special day. Of course, I always buy a card for Valentines Day and so should your man, but it is always puzzling what to give in exchange for jewelry and chocolate...what do guys want? Valentines Day is about LOVE so I tried to tell him no gifts and I know that he is too stubborn for that to work! My plan of action is to get some romantic movies online because one thing we love is watching movies together...that might be the plan!


OK, I think Valentines Day is a great reminder of Love and there is soo much that you can do to make this holiday special! Spend the whole Day together and go for a hike or get some outdoors time then stay in for the night and cuddle up with a homemade meal and some gifts from the heart that say "I Love You" It seems simple, but make sure to leave time to make the meal and buy groceries so that you are not stressed on the big day. To me, it is a day to relax and remember the passion when it is just you and the one that you love...have fun!!!

Valentines Day Restaurant Guide for those who do not want to cook at home...make those reservations now!!! xoxo

A Not So Distant Past

It often strikes me what dating culture, or as previously referenced, hookup culture, is like. It's no wonder that works of authors like Shakespeare or Jane Austen fascinate us now today. They give us a glance at a sort of romance that could never possible occur in the modern era. The time, the effort, and the sort of grace that stories like Pride and Prejudice or Romeo and Juliet, to offer up the most obvious of all options, let us dwell in situations opposite of our own. At the same time, it is hard to forget that "falling in love" in such times was almost never the case. On the off chance that individuals were allowed to married the person of their choice, there is a stiffness in the air in which these works portray falling in love as a sort of game in which one has to be very careful.

I had the opportunity in my senior year of high school to write my senior international baccalaureate paper on this topic. Specifically, I focused on the culture of marriage in terms of class. The paper required a thorough knowledge of the women's art of courting with men. To be blunt, there were specific (and truly, rather ridiculous) rules that any aristocratic women would know as part of being brought up. The details of "knowing how to flirt," down the way women should enter carriages, would have been enough to make me scream.

And yet, I think that years from now if/when I get married, I will regret the lack of pieces like love letters. The type of patience that existed then will never ever exist again, thanks to the sorts of technology like texting and emailing. Although, the changes that have occurred when it comes to things like falling in love are not all bad. The idea of forced marriages and marring without love, at least in the western hemisphere, are thankfully rapidly disappearing.

If it does end...

Breaking up. The word just makes me cringe. Most people, at some point in their lives, go through a break up. Whether you are the recipient or cause of a break up, it is never easy. In fact, sometimes it can be downright horrible. I know the feeling and, honestly, no one can understand unless they have been through it. I remember the first time I got dumped I literally felt like I would never feel happy again. I was also convinced that I would NEVER find love again--I want to go back and slap myself--and would be single and lonely forever. Obviously, both of these things were untrue and I found both happiness and love. But at the time, I felt helpless and I have had to help many of my friends go through the same experience. There is no easy way to go through a break up and, unless you have a heart of steel, it is likely going to take at least some time to get over it. That old, frustrating quote "time heals everything" really does apply here. I know know you don't want to hear it but it's true. The pain may seem so unbearable now but there WILL be a day when it was once all a part of the past.

There are a few useful suggestions I would like to make for dealing with a break up. If you are the recipient of the break up, I would suggest trying to get out and do as many different activities as possible. Keeping yourself occupied and hanging out with friends will help take your mind off the break up and your recent ex. Also, as tempting as it is to text him or her, don't. Unless it is a rare case, your ex has already made up his or her mind and it isn't going to change. Texting or calling him or her will only cause more pain because talking to them will make all of those feelings rush to the surface again. It may seem like hearing from him or her will make you feel better but once you realize it is still the same, it will leave you feeling very low. Save yourself from feeling this way . Cry, shout, punch your pillow, go on a run, write a mean letter and then tear it up or do anything else to get your emotions out but don't rely on the one who caused the pain to fix it. It's hard to no longer be able to depend on someone who used to be close with, but, I'm sorry to say it, your ex doesn't want to be that person for you anymore. Don't forget that there are thousands of people who have been through a break up so you are never alone. Actually, there are many self-help books you can read to make the process a little easier. 

Now, if you are the cause, or the breakupee, (a weird term I just created), stop contacting your ex. Texting or calling your ex will only give your him or her hopes of you wanting to get back together. However, if they are to contact you don't ignore them because they are already suffering enough. Obviously this only applies if your ex didn't do anything drastic, like cheat, to cause the break up. The worst thing you could possibly ever do is to continue to flirt or hook up with your ex. This is really just like teasing and is very selfish. You can't have your cake and it and too and if you no longer want a emotional connection with that person your must realize that you are aren't  guaranteed that physical connection either. Sure, it's easy for any two people to hook up and your ex may be up for it. After it's over you may be feeling fine, but they will probably be wishing it wasn't temporary. It is important to have respect for the person you just broke up with and realize that they may be having a difficult time letting you go. Don't make it any harder by dangling yourself in front of their faces and then running away when you sense them becoming attached again.

Let's face it--breakups suck. However, "when one door closes another one opens." You aren't the first or last person who will go through a break up and one day you will look back and realize that maybe it was for the best. Also, if you never want to risk having your heart broken, you might as well rule out love all together. Who wants to do that? Stay strong and remember that love has no age limit. It is very likely that you will find somebody (or maybe more than one person) again and that the relationship will be more fulfilling and special than your last.

"That's my family you are talking about."

There have been many accounts of a boy or a girl not seeing eye-to-eye with their significant other's family. Here's the deal: no matter which way you look at it there is never a good reason to trash your boyfriend or girlfriend's family. Sure, you may express frustration or not be too fond of Sally or Bob's sister or father, but spewing venom about them is never a good way to go. Why? First of all, even if your boyfriend or girlfriend agrees with you, they may not like you talking so maliciously about their family members, though they may not tell you. Also, since there is always a likelihood of you breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you don't want the things you once said about their family to come back and bite you in the ass. How I think of it is if you don't like my family (one of the nicest, most accepting families, though everyone has their faults), it is going to be hard for me to fully accept you into my life. Of course, I am rare in the fact that I do not have any beef with my family members and am very protective over them. While I understand that it is difficult to always understand another person, family is blood and is not something you want to mess with. The longer you are in a relationship, the more you know about someone's relatives and this gives you a bit more freedom to express your opinions, especially if the two of you are married. But if you are just beginning a relationship, I would suggest keeping your lips sealed. If you really can't deal with your boyfriend or girlfriend's family, then you may want to reconsider the relationship and how one's relatives are going affect your life. Or, you could always try moving to another country. That is more of a joke in case that piece of advice was taken too literally. But remember--your boyfriend or girlfriend's family is most likely not going anywhere. 

Life Happens...

Last night, I remembered this great saying that I think we should all think about at some point...
"Life Happens while you are busy making other plans."
There are many ways to look at this when it comes to your romantic life. First of all, if you are exhausting yourself looking for Mr. Right (or Mrs. Right) maybe its time to focus on other things and put that part of your life aside. According to this quote, Mr. Right will find his way into your life when you least expect it. Who knows! you could be in line to buy your dog a new leash and some guy asks you what kind of dog you have and then things could develop...although that is a little idealized, I wanted to make the point that life happens when you are not thinking about it. From my last post, you might all know that Im kinda obsessed with The Bachelor on ABC. This is relevant because all 25 women obsess over ONE thing...love. They fit themselves to this weird, forced situation to fall in love and focus all of there energy on winning. While this is the name of the game, I would like to hope that people do the exact OPPOSITE of this show in the daily lives. Yes, I know we have crushes on the perfect guy! I maintain that with the quote above and the reference to the pathetic puppy love on The Bachelor, that you could focus your energy on work and yourself and you other relationships in order to subliminally get the attention of your crush. Once he or she sees how off guard you are, they might notice you even more!

I am a big believer in things working out the way they are supposed to. This is why "making other plans" is so important in building romantic relationships. From first hand experience, I tied myself down to the relationship I was in and stopped making other plans. Recently, I do no have the luxury to constantly be around my boyfriend so I have been focused on my other plans. I had no idea that he would notice how much I was independent and alive from all my other activities...its like falling in love all over again. I also believe that if you make other plans, you will be less hurt if things dont work out. Not only if your crush doesnt return your same feelings, you have other plans BUT for me, if my boyfriend is busy and cant hang out then I dont feel as lonely or left-out because I have other plans to make! All I can say is MAKE PLANS for yourself and keep busy to keep the romance alive. Life will fall into place because you have lots going on that will not only distract you, but leave you more open to new people to make romantic connections with. Until next time, keep posted! xo